Dealing with Aggressive Panhandlers

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While shopping at CVS this morning, I had an unusual experience. It was still early and the parking lot was nearly deserted, expect for a strange couple. The man was riding a bicycle aimlessly while his female companion sat by the entrance on a crate. Neither said a word to me when I went in, but as I left, they became aggressive and demanded money. At first, I was confused and thought it might be a charity collection because I live in a safe, suburban area where things like this just don’t happen. Not wanting to be rude, I asked who they represented.

Big mistake! “We need help,” the man claimed, with the woman echoing, “Do you have cash? There’s an ATM here,” adding, “C’mon, you can afford it,” when I shook my head no. I then realized that not only were they panhandling, they were obviously professionals.

Two bags were in my hand that contained some snacks. Now, I know when I’m being hustled and I didn’t want to engage them, but it was so uncomfortable and unexpected, I offered them something anyway.

Would you believe that they refused and started haranguing me: “Don’t be so cheap. It’s just $20 dollars!” Again I refused and then they swore at me. Disgusted, I made a beeline for my car and bicycle man starts riding in circles, blocking me in! 

Beeping the horn did nothing to scare him away, but it did create a commotion that alerted the store manager. Since I’ve been shopping there consistently since 2008, we know each other and he was more than willing to intervene by calling the police.

Throughout this ordeal, I didn’t really feel scared, but I did feel almost embarrassed, even though I’d done nothing wrong. In the end, the couple was escorted away and given strict orders to never return. No harm came to anyone, thankfully, but it was unnerving just the same.

As someone who likes to give people the benefit of the doubt and help those who are truly in need, I find their behavior sickening. Not only are they trying to scam innocent folks, they’re abusing those who don’t comply with their games.

It really makes you wonder what society is coming to…

29 thoughts on “Dealing with Aggressive Panhandlers

  1. rusthawk

    I used to have a professor who reveled in preaching about ‘normalizing deviancy’. She lectured about how antiquated a society was (ours) that was based around cultural norms of morality, decency, and integrity …and how it was time people were “allowed” to behave as they chose, that behavior should not be moderated by what was considered the norm (decency, morality) in any culture. That that was the only way we would change this antiquated moral-based culture in which we had grown up.

    She espoused egalitarianism. This was the type of thing she was talking about. With the power to shape impressionable young minds, she preached about the ‘rights’ of everyone to do exactly as they pleased, despite the offense to others, despite going against ‘antiquated’ social norms. Her explicit message was that you should never moderate your own behavior in consideration of anyone else.

    And this is where it’s led. Unfortunately, people like this are immune to public shaming.

    Her message was appalling to me then, as is what you experienced today. I feel bad for you, I can imagine how uncomfortable you were. 🙁

    Reply
    1. The Jewish Lady Post author

      I’m all for equality, but I don’t see how encouraging people to panhandle will normalize them or enrich their lives. Teachers have a responsibility to show students right from wrong and help them make their way in the world (the real world we live in, not the Utopia some seem to wish for). I think you’re right that some people don’t want to control their behavior. It is sad!

      Reply
  2. tannawings

    This was not panhandling. This was intimidation.
    There are many reason why people may panhandle- some not so good reasons and some it is a way to make do. We dont have many who do this here… right now as cold as it is, if anyone was panhandling, they would be frozen within 30 minutes.
    Think I took the same course where egalitarianism was mentioned but our prof never espoused it. The word is supposed to mean we all are equal and all have worth which does sound good, but unusual bordering on criminal behaviors like you experienced to gain socio economic equality wouldnt be acceptable. Our prof explained in a capitalist society that egalitarianism was more of an ideal than a social reality. We can be equal in some ways but will never be equal in others.

    I am sorry this had to happen to you and glad the people doing it were removed. Something wasnt quite right… they would have asked you going in for help had they really needed it, and you should never feel bullied or afraid to give to those that need it.

    Reply
    1. The Jewish Lady Post author

      I agree, they didn’t really have a need or they wouldn’t behave that way. I would always try to help someone that’s legit if I can, like most people. It’s true that some panhandlers have no other way to survive, but I’ve never encountered anyone that was so rude and aggressive while begging. Life can be crazy sometimes!

      Reply
  3. Terri Irvin

    I was physically grabbed by a homeless man, I had just gave money to outside a store. So I keep my distance now. Sad because I was brought up to be kind and help people.

    Reply
  4. Jeanette

    This sounds like a bully more than anything. I would have done the same thing as what you did. If they would continue I would have called the police. Just think if you had a child with you. I would have then had mama bear come out!

    Reply
  5. Travel Blogger

    Wow – I can relate. I work in a neighborhood that has a lot of money, and often we get panhandlers that stand on the street corners and literally knock on car windows and block traffic trying to get money. As you said, I understand there are a lot issues around homelessness and the inability to get proper care, but bullying people is only going to potentially cause an accident or an altercation.

    Reply
    1. The Jewish Lady Post author

      I wish there were ways to help the homeless, but giving to panhandlers will only encourage the behavior. I have seen and heard of instances—not in my area, but bigger cities—where folks do get into fist fights with panhandlers. So sad and scary!

      Reply
  6. NotNowMomsBusy

    Sorry that is the way you started your day. I would have been super annoyed too, and scared. I hate that a person can’t even go to the corner store these days without some kind of trouble.

    Quite often homeless people are pretty subdued and quiet. But it sounds like this young couple were closer to being the type of people that would mug a person. Good thing you sounded your car horn and got attention to help you with the situation. Never just stand there and try to deal with it. You never know how violent they might become.

    Reply
  7. Annemarie LeBlanc

    That was a scary situation. I would have screamed the first time they tried to harass me. I help the needy when I can, but I guess these people should understand that we are not obligated to give in to their demands.

    Reply
  8. Maggie Branch

    Pan handling in Baltimore has become such an issue that it actually illegal in the actual city. It’s crazy! I’m sorry you had to deal with this!

    Reply
  9. michele d

    It happens very often here in Central Florida, They’re at every corner, gas stations, at four way stop signs and in front of stores. They stand there even with their kids and dogs begging for money. The ones that do this are not panhandling because their homeless it’s a job for them. I’ve been approached many times myself and I was alone. It can be very scary.

    Reply
  10. Ricci

    Panhandlers have gotten really aggressive lately. I work really hard for my money and have a budget to keep, it makes me really mad when people are rude when asking for a handout.

    Reply
  11. Kiwi

    Thats really unfortunate they were scam artist. There are some real people in need and they felt justified to bully you into giving them money. Sad…I guess because you were in the suburbs they felt entitled to harass you out of your money but no one deserves to be harassed. Maybe they were really in need and didnt know how to really ask tactfully oh well thats their issue.

    Reply
  12. HilLesha

    I have always loved helping those in need, but it’s now hard to distinguish those who are truly in need anymore. Lately, my husband and I’ve been experiencing something similar from a couple. We’ve been seeing at some of the grocery stores and gas stations that we frequent. It’s always a different story why they need money.

    Reply
  13. Mimi "MimiCuteLips" Green

    Sorry that happened to you, that is crazy. I live in the Washington, DC area so I’m no stranger to this type of situation. I’m no stranger to type of rude behavior however it is equally disturbing every single time. I don’t mind helping others but I will NOT be forced to do so.

    Reply
  14. Chubskulit Rose

    Wow, that is scary! We experienced the same when we shopped at KMart some few months back. This lady has a very small baby and wanting us to lend her money, she said her atm card does not work. MY husband said now although we feel bad for the baby because the mom looks like a drug addict.

    Reply
  15. Ann Bacciaglia

    I have never had anyone be so aggressive with me. We have a few panhandlers here but they are all polite and do not bother anyone. I am glad the shop keeper was able to call the Police.

    Reply
  16. Rebecca Swenor

    This is outrageous indeed and so glad there was someone to help you out. It is a shame that there is people out there like this because it does make people think twice about helping those that really need the help. I have never experienced this before but than again I live in a small town.

    Reply

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