Advice about Back-to-School shopping, organizing, scheduling, and lunch-making is abundant, but one area that’s frequently overlooked is the plight of divorced and separated parents. Not only is this situation painful, it’s often hectic as well. Here are 10 tips to make it easier:

1. Accept the Situation

Divorce is never easy; in some cases, it’s a literal nightmare, with non-stop fighting, lying, and using the kids as weapons. If your ex—or you!—is doing this, know that it’s hurting the kids most of all. Try to be amicable, if at all possible. If it’s truly impossible, use an intermediary like a counselor or the Court to minimize contact and spell out clearly what’s allowed and expected.

2. Let Go

You don’t have to forgive or forget, but you do have to let things go. Yes, most spouses have a lot of unresolved issues. Guess what: it may never be resolved! Do what you can to move forward and acknowledge that some things may never be quite right, nor will you get that apology you crave.

3. Update the School

Take time before school starts to reach out to the faculty and explain the family situation. (Yes, it’s embarrassing and complicated, so just keep it brief.) Make them aware of the custody arrangement and any behavioral issues your kids may be dealing with. Also, let the child know you’ve talked to the school, in case someone brings it up.

4. Arrange for Duplicate Notifications

Ideally, information would be shared between the parents, but that’s not always happening. It may help to arrange for separate notifications about  school activities, performance, and report cards. This way one parent, usually mom, is not responsible for copying and sending information to the other.

5. Attend Parent-Teacher Conferences Together

A lot of married couples don’t even do this, so if you can’t, don’t beat yourself up. If, by some miracle you can, that’s awesome. Attending parent-teacher conferences as a team shows that both people are concerned about the child’s education and want to be involved.

6. Drop the Kids Off Together

The first day of school can be a scary, overwhelming experience for most kids. If both parents can free up their schedules to be there together, it can be remarkable reassuring. If you can’t be there together, take a photo and send it to your ex. (Yes, it’s tempting to cut them off, but it’s also self-serving and mean in the long run.)

7. Shared Calendar

There are many activities that occur within the school year and it’s hard for everyone to keep up and stay organized. A shared calendar can be a perfect solution, so both parents (and children, if age appropriate) know the schedule and can plan accordingly. Doing it online is the easiest way for all involved.

8. Review and Split Costs

There’s no need for both parents to run out and start buying clothes, shoes, backpacks, etc. Make a detailed list and agree to split it up. To keep it fair, decide on a dollar amount or item amount, meaning each person buys 10 things or each person spends $10.00.

9. Be Consistent

When the children are splitting their time between two homes, it’s important for the rules to be consistent at both places, especially during the school year—bed time, dinner time, shower time, homework. If the kids know you’re both on the same page, they won’t try to pretend otherwise.

10. Minimize interference

New boyfriends/girlfriends, step parents, in-laws, etc. have a way of NOT minding their own business. Decisions about the children should be made by the natural mother and father, period. Other family members may weigh in, but the parents aren’t obligated to follow their advice. Current love interests, including step parents, really need to stay in the background and not cause trouble.

In most cases, a divorced couple can come to an agreement, on their own, that’s fair to everyone involved. If, however, your ex is addicted, abusive, or otherwise dangerous to you and the children, don’t be afraid to seek help.