Have you ever had an experience so humiliating it’s hard to even process, let alone discuss it? That’s what happened to me when I agreed to take a fitness hike with a group of ladies I barely knew.
Here’s the thing: I don’t like hiking. I don’t like heat/humidity. I don’t like bugs. I don’t really even like the outdoors. I also have mild asthma which is aggravated by all of the above. So why then did I agree to participate in something against my better judgment? Peer pressure!
The lady who invited me is a friend of a friend. She is thin, beautiful, fit…and exceptionally bossy! When I mentioned my hesitation about the hike, she simply wouldn’t take no for answer:
- “Our kids play together.”
- “It’s not that steep of a climb.”
- “Everyone else is going.”
- “C’mon, don’t ruin it for us.”
And so on…all of which made me feel uncomfortable and I gave in. The plan was to hike a rustic trail an hour north. Of course, everyone wanted to drive together (another huge mistake I agreed to). 10 minutes into the drive, I could tell that I had nothing in common with this group. They weren’t mean, but they were cliquey and kept recounting other adventures they’d taken, including one where they’d gone to NYC for the weekend, bar hopping and prowling for men. (Yes, they’re all married and no, I don’t approve, but I stayed silent.)
We had left late and arrived mid-afternoon—the hottest time of day and about 85 degrees. I literally could feel a knot in my stomach before the car door even opened, yet I felt like I had to do it. The terrain started out fairly-flat, went down sharply, and plateaued. The going-down part was ok, I didn’t feel great, but it wasn’t unbearable either. The going-up part, however, was hellish!
I don’t mean to be overly dramatic, but I have new appreciation for the victims of Death Marches. Each step was like torture: harsh sun beating down, swarms of mosquitos, gasping for air, and a very, very full bladder because I had been so thirsty. At one point, I asked the group to stop so I could rest.
The looks I received where some of the nastiest I’ve ever had in my life! Not only did they refuse, they heckled me, saying I was a “spoil sport” and that I needed to “push through the pain.” By the sheer grace of God, I made it back to the car, shaking, dizzy and queasy. I laid in the backseat, fanning myself and pressing a cool rag against my sun-burned forehead, by myself, while the other ladies were eating Power Bars and sipping Gatorade. The sight of all those snacks finally pushed me over the edge and I threw up. (Not to be graphic or gross, but I’d eaten hard boiled eggs and coffee for breakfast and it was bad!)
Seeing me in such a state would’ve provoked some compassion, you’d think, but no, they just finished eating, hopped in the car, and started driving home…while I cried—from shame, from frustration, from bewilderment. I truly have never witnessed such insensitivity, let alone been the target.
I know that type of behavior is wrong, period. But I also know that I allowed it to happen. Instead of confronting them and demanding the apology I was entitled to, I politely said good-bye, not wanting to make a scene—something I’ve done my entire life. Because I don’t want to cause trouble, because I want to be liked, because I grew up in a dysfunctional family where I had to keep everything and everyone calm.
This is not how I want to live. I am not a human doormat. My opinion does matter. I do want to stand up for myself. But it’s hard to break lifelong patterns. I was so torn between letting it go and speaking out. For 2 whole days, I mulled it over. At the advice of my sister, I called the lady who invited me and told her, honestly and in detail how hurt I had been. She listened and did apologize, not sincerely, just “Oh, sorry,” but it’s a start. And for me, that’s enough. I may always struggle in this area, but at least I’m trying!
How do you deal with peer pressure?
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