I’m always amazed by the things I hear from my readers (getting to know many of you through social media, comments, and email is terrific!). One such reader, who wishes to remain anonymous for an obvious reason, shared something that I found downright horrific:

She was “slut shamed” by members of her own temple!

It’s hard to elaborate because I don’t want to break the confidence. We have emailed at length, and she is allowing me to say only that she is a single mother with 3 children from 3 different fathers—something other members took issue with. Neither she nor her children felt comfortable or wanted in the community and have recently left that temple. Devastated, she summed it up by stating: “I now believe most religious people are hateful.”

This makes me so sad, it’s hard to find the right words. First off, it’s nobody’s business. Our marital status, family status, work status, and everything else is not supposed to be fodder for gossip. Each person is different. Some have had easy lives, while others struggle non-stop. Neither is better or worse, and certainly nobody should be ridiculed. The community is supposed to embrace one another, regardless.

I know in reality it’s not always like that. I have personally witnessed things like my reader described. I recall one lady in particular at a temple I used to attend. She was a college student and unwed mother who happened to have an interracial daughter. They both came to the monthly potluck dinner, but had to leave early before the Family service started. Everyone was sweet as sugar to her face, but the second she was gone, it was a full-on attack. The worst comment of all came from the Vice President who referred to an innocent little child as the “N-word Baby!” (No joke, it’s impossible to make that up.)

Folks, these are not religious people. I don’t care if you attend temple weekly, keep the Sabbath, and only eat kosher. If you’re spreading lies, hurting others, and being generally awful, it’s just an act. A truly religious person believes in tolerance, mercy, being charitable, and giving love.

We have to stop gossiping, shaming, and excluding. I have always believed that the high number of unaffiliated Jews are caused by lack of opportunity rather than a lack of desire. If temples became the nurturing places they’re intended to be, maybe former members would become current members.

If you’re going through a similar situation and feel ostracized and alone, please know that everyone is welcome here. I want TJL to always be a safe space where differences are embraced and everyone is equal. If you can’t find a temple or other Jewish outlet, consider this a virtual one to express yourself.

Have you had a hateful encounter with someone claiming to be “religious?”