Nobody would claim that being a single parent is easy, but it may be far worse than imagined. An article from The Jewish News of Northern California details the sad reality of Jewish moms in the Bay Area. The average survey participant was a 47-year-old lady with an 8-year-old who has a master’s degree, works full time, and earns about $50,000 per year.

Even though they’re well educated, they are not making enough to live. Single parent households are twice as likely to be poor, struggle to meet basic expenses, and often have zero savings. In California, which has an extremely high cost of living, the stats are even worse.

This financial insecurity is preventing them from participating in Jewish life, unable to afford Hebrew school and temple dues, leaving many of these ladies isolated and unfulfilled spiritually.

Though I was aware of the scary poverty numbers for single moms, what surprised me most about this study was the amount of single mothers by choice. Quite a few have never been married and literally couldn’t afford their babies while they were still in utero.

None of us can see into the future and there is no guarantee that a relationship will last forever. Any lady who is divorced should never be judged or blamed. She has tried her best to do the right thing. Ladies who intentionally go it alone, however, are extremely irresponsible. 

There is a reason why it takes one man and one woman to create a child—two parents are needed! God does not intend for us to bear the responsibility alone; that’s why families are required. As ladies, we have total control over who fathers our children and whether or not to marry that man. Having a child outside of wedlock is the greatest threat to women and children—financially, spiritually, emotionally, etc. 

Should the Jewish community reach out to single moms and their kids? Of course. Should there be scholarships and reduced fees for participation? Yes. I don’t want anyone shunned or stigmatized, but we must not encourage that lifestyle, nor should we pretend it’s okay to have a baby on your own. We need to get back to basics, with an emphasis on traditional family life, just as the Torah commands. 

Far from being glamorous, the life of a single mother seems incredibly dreary. It is impossible to be both mother and father. Anyone who claims otherwise is in total denial. Single parenthood should be the exception, not the rule.