This Guest Post was written by Berenice, from A Very Berry Life. Berenice and I connected through Blogelina. I was initially intrigued by her lovely DIY section. As I continued to read through her fantastic blog, I learned that she was in a cross-cultural marriage. Since many of my readers are in Interfaith families, I think her story will be inspirational!
Thoughts on cross-cultural marriage
As a kid, I sometimes used to wonder about my parents marriage. My dad is from the central/northern region of Mexico and my mother is from the deep south. Mexico is huge and there are lots and lots of different people and cultures. How could two completely different people from completely different backgrounds come together, and more importantly, how they did stay together…
Now people ask me the same question: I’m a Mexican woman, living in Germany, married to a German-Romanian guy. How do we overcome the difference in language, culture, traditions, etc.?
Well, let me start by telling you a little bit about us:
The first time I came to Germany, I was 7 years old. We stayed for 2 years, and when we returned back to Mexico, I was enrolled in German school. I do not see myself as Mexican, nor German, but as a mixture of both. There are things I like about the Mexican and German cultures, and other things I don’t like.
My husband was born in Romania and moved to Germany when he was about 6 years old. His family is part Romanian and part German, so he also has a somewhat wider perception of who he is and where he comes from.
Since we both grew up multi-lingual, we communicate in whatever language fits the moment. Sometimes I forget words in Spanish, so I say them in German, or English. He also speaks Spanish (which is very convenient), and we both know a little bit of Japanese.
There have been times when we use 3 different languages in a single sentence, like: “Can you pass me la sal, bitte?” It may be very confusing for others, but for us, it’s just our daily life!
In my opinion, that would be 1 of 3 key aspects for making a partnership work: communication! The other two being respect and compromise!
Be aware that your spouse cannot read your mind! That he, or she, did not grow up with the same traditions. Communicate! Tell your significant other what is important for you. We don’t always have to understand everything, but respecting our partner’s point of view is very important. Don’t try to degrade its significance just because you don’t understand it; try to have an open mind. And, after all that communication and acceptance is done, compromise on the best way to achieve it.
For example: when my husband and I first moved in together, I told him about the Mexican tradition of Día de Muertos (the Day of the Dead) in which we set up an altar with food, flowers and water as homage to our dead relatives.
I didn’t expect him to be excited about it, or even fully perceive its meaning, but he understood that it was important for me. We compromised by setting up a small altar and even included his dead relatives in it.
I do believe that is the beauty of marriage in general. Getting to learn more about the person you love each and every day, expanding your horizons, recognizing that we are all different, and learning to be more tolerant towards each other as we create new traditions together as a family.
Thank you so much, Berenice, for sharing your unique perspective and insight on cross-cultural marriages! I couldn’t agree with you more. If you enjoyed this guest post like I did, stop by A Very Berry Life and let her know.
wicked good post. totally true in any marriage really.
the movie “overboard” comes to mind…
So glad you enjoyed this post! I love Goldie and Kurt movies, too.
Love this post and love Berenice. My hubby is Korean and everything she said is true. Biggest problem for us was the language barrier.
Wonderful post. I love how y’all talk in three different languages in one sentence and yet it works.
so true. the 3 key aspects are important. nicely put 🙂
Well said by Berenice.
Liked reading it.
🙂
Visiting from UBC. Well written post. I’m also in a multicultural marriage.
This was very interesting & engaging!
My Uncle is Scottish and my Auntie is from India!
Very beautiful post…straight from your heart. In India, we still have the concept of Arranged Marriages – where parents & family sit together and make marriage decisions. 90% of arranged marriages – the bride & groom’s family dont know each other…best part- the wedding still works & lasts forever.
Hi! i just wanted to say thanks again to the jewish lady for giving me this opportunity and thanks too for all your positive comments!
Bere, it was my pleasure! You’re welcome to post again anytime!
The love of my life was from Sweden. We didn’t stay together because we were too young. It can work but you have to beat the odds. Great post!
Bueno, gracias por compartir, aca un comentario en español para que no se te olvide.
Desafortunadamente aún viviendo en el mismo país parece que las personas hablamos diferentes lenguajes, no somos nada tolerantes, vivimos algunas veces como perros y gatos dejando el respeto a un lado así como la confianza y el compromiso. La falta de valores y el poco límite que los padres de hoy en día ponen a sus hijos hace que se vaya perdiendo todo lo bonito de una relación, con el tonto pretexto de decir “es que así lo vivi yo”.
Que gusto me da saber que entre ustedes no hay esos conflictos o si llegaran a presentarse los sabrán librar para fortalecer su relación.
¡Que buen ejemplo tienes en casa! (by the way, no tengo el gusto de conocerte pero si a tu maravillosa madre) y sé que serás un buen ejemplo para tus hijos, es importante ver siempre a nuestros padres amarse, pelear, amarse, enojarse, amarse…solo así pondremos un nuestro granito de arena para hacer de este mundo un lugar mejor ( que mucha falta nos hace).
Un saludo
Biologa Teniza
Qué pequeño es el mundo! Ahi me la saluda! 🙂