The third installment of this series on The Unaffiliated Jew will cover Intermarriage.

In a perfect world, every Jewish Princess would find her Jewish Prince; in reality, that just doesn’t happen…not for most, anyway. The current statistic claims that over 70% of Jews have, or will, Intermarry—for those under 30, the odds are even higher!

Many—most?—members of the Jewish community, particularly seniors, are horrified by those numbers. It’s hard to accept that the Reform, Conservative, and Reconstructionist communities are literally dying out. (The Orthodox are an entirely different matter; they almost uniformly do not intermarry.)

Interfaith marriages between Christians and Jews seem to follow a strange pattern: the Jewish partner adopts Christian habits and abandons their own practices. Instead of Hebrew School and High Holidays, it slowly morphs into Easter egg hunts and Santa. Some even attend Church services with in-laws. In extreme cases, they will even allow their children to be baptized!

Take the talented singer, Idina Menzel, as a typical example. In the December 2014 edition of Redbook magazine, she offered this interesting quote: “My love for Christmas came when I started dating Taye [Diggs, her ex-husband]. One of my fondest memories is how we celebrated. We’d put on holiday music and decorate a tree. I wanted to be a good shiksa girlfriend. Everything was always white, crystal, and coordinated. I was making a Jewish girl’s Christmas tree!” (Could there be a bigger oxymoron than a “Jewish girl’s Christmas tree?” I seriously doubt it.) In addition to the interview, she was pitching her new Christmas album.

If this is what interfaith marriage is supposed to be, then yes, the Jewish community has an enormous problem on our hands. Not only has Ms. Menzel decided to become Christian, she has also neglected a prime opportunity to introduce her partner to Judaism. Think how easily the process could be reversed, with Taye Diggs learning to embrace Jewish holidays and customs.

Intermarriage isn’t a problem, it’s an opportunity…

I don’t believe for a second that we as a community can stem the tide of Intermarriage. Yes, encouraging people to marry within the Faith is great, but it’s not enough. What we should be doing is welcoming Interfaith couples and families with open arms. We need to offer relevant seminars and more group activities. We need to—dare I say it—-encourage conversion.

Yes, I’m well aware that conversion is not only discouraged, but looked down upon by many Jews. Because of that, we are contributing to our own demise. As a group, Jews are an aging population. Jews tend to marry later in life and have fewer children. Plus, we will never make up for the losses accumulated during the Holocaust (there are less Jews on earth now than there were in 1939—scary, I know). As a result, we’re suffering from a huge population deficit.

When Interfaith couples are given the respect they deserve and a sacred space to grow and be nurtured, they will want to be part of the Jewish community. Their children will be educated and encouraged. The Gentile spouse may feel so inspired that he/she wants to convert and join our ranks for all time.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a Jew by birth, or by choice! Everyone has unique abilities and gifts to contribute. Full Inclusion can only make us better and stronger as a community. I support conversion 100%. I am in favor of removing the mystery and streamlining the process. Perhaps my opinion is controversial, but radical measures are necessary to avoid a calamity.

Do you support open and active conversion in the Jewish Community?

Related Articles:

The Unaffiliated Jew – Part One

The Unaffiliated Jew – Part Two